I so often find that people enter my life. Most stay in some regard for years, a scant few grow close enough that I feel a personal bond to, then invariably there will be a parting. Be it distance, an increase in demand for one of our times, or just apathy these friends slowly drift further and further away, until one day you may think of them and realize it would be a bit awkward if you were to run into them. This preamble is leading to something I promise.
A while ago I had someone complain to me that I didn't respond to a Facebook post or something. When I told them that years ago I had set my Status to: "Is leaving Facebook forever, if you need to talk to him, actually talk to him" and never signed in again. His reaction seemed to indicate that either he hasn't actually looked at my page in years, or Facebook has some kind of expiry date on statuses. So I logged back in to delete everyone off my profile just in case I was cyber offending people unawares. I ended up deleting everyone but 2 people; my wife, because there are a few times I get sentimental and didn't like the thought of deleting her, and an old friend whom I hadn't seen for about a decade. I couldn't tell you why I found myself hesitant to delete this one guy, while I had no qualms about deleting my best friend for years who I still see regularly.
I met this guy in the very beginning of what I consider my formative years. He can nerd out right next to any neckbeard you've got but looking back what probably struck me the most was how unashamed of it all he was. Yes NOW in my 30's I could care less when the occasional snicker comes my way about my pastimes. But 17 year old Turk had the catch 22 of enjoying all these nerd things while having that innate teenager fear of being seen enjoying anything that falls outside the established "cool activities".
My wife always makes cracks at me when I go to my RPG group and I feel comfortable enough now to make them right back at her, I even told this same advice to one of the people I game with once " The moment I accepted that I was nerd was the moment nobody could affect me." Now, I own it. I don't intentionally try and act weird or fly my nerd flag for all to see but nor to I try and hide or sidestep the issue. Looking back I think I can safely say that this revelation came about because I watched a man, who would rather spend his time doing what he actually enjoys than put on a pretense and only do something he kinda likes.
It's a little funny that looking back and remembering all those people who appeared on your path at one time or another. Maybe only for a short while, maybe it was for years. I got a short synopsis of where some of the others are now. It's strange I cant picture any of them except as teenagers sharing an old tent with me, laughing at the strangest things. I wonder what mid 40' Turk will think of me now. He'd just better still have hair.
